


Hey Jealousy

by jujuberry136



Series: Hey Jealousy [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-29
Updated: 2010-05-29
Packaged: 2017-10-17 12:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujuberry136/pseuds/jujuberry136
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Notes: Thanks, as always, go to [info]ambrosia4all for her wonderful betaing. This will not be everyone’s cup of tea and is a bit of a departure from my normal, happy go-lucky style. Criminal Minds does not belong to me, it belongs to Ed Bernero.</p><p>Warnings: AO3 doesn't let me warn for discussions of infertility and abortion so it's included here.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Hey Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Thanks, as always, go to [info]ambrosia4all for her wonderful betaing. This will not be everyone’s cup of tea and is a bit of a departure from my normal, happy go-lucky style. Criminal Minds does not belong to me, it belongs to Ed Bernero.
> 
> Warnings: AO3 doesn't let me warn for discussions of infertility and abortion so it's included here.

Every day Emily has to remind herself not to punch Reid in the face. It isn’t anything he’s doing. In fact, he’s done a remarkable job of restraining himself, but it’s permeated his very being: he wears a soft smile when he thinks no one is watching instead of fiddling with his watch, he fingers his wallet, and instead of going back to the office to finish case reports with her and Morgan, he grabs his notebook and heads home like JJ and Hotch.

She knows it's not rational, this newfound not-quite-hate of her co-worker. But every since Garcia spilled the beans about his girlfriend being pregnant, Emily can’t get the bitter taste of jealousy out of her mouth. While Morgan could only sputter in shock, Hotch and Rossi offered quiet congratulations, and JJ smiled like the cat that ate the canary, the mask she had used throughout her childhood slid smoothly into place. She felt her face stretch into something approximating a smile and joined her co-workers in pestering for details. Then she went home and drank until she couldn’t remember — making the next morning all the more terrible.

It was different when JJ was expecting Henry. There was still hope then, the long years of trying and failing were still to come. It was before the years of daily injections and fighting the monthly proof of failure. When she looked at Henry for the first time, it was before the sight of an infant made her arms feel too light and her body empty. It was before he left for greener pastures (though he denied it during the last fight, the young women — the young fertile woman her traitorous mind readily supplies — he gently escorted to dinner the other night would suggest otherwise).

Sometimes she wondered if this was her punishment, if the idea of a loving God was just some story humans told each other to hide from the wrathful judgment of a Father who knew only absolutes. She normally would have asked Reid, but she’s been avoiding him these days.

Rossi made offers to talk, and of everyone on the team she thinks he’d probably have the best handle on where she’s coming from, but despite all his empathy he’d never be able to understand this pain. He’s not a woman. And on the increased number of girls’ night outs scheduled since Reid’s news got out, JJ and Garcia have both made tentative overtures. Emily’s in no place to discuss it with either of them—her mask hasn’t slipped in two months.

There’s a certain symmetry at work, she thinks as she pointedly doesn’t look to her left where Reid’s doggedly finishing up his case report. In the past he would’ve joined Morgan and JJ’s impromptu game of gin. Hell, three months ago she’d be there too. She wonders if Reid’s using the same calming and management techniques she used on him back when he was going through withdrawal and couldn’t stand even the most banal of personal inquiries. It’d only be fitting.

Of course, Reid’s current situation puts a crimp in her “God is a hardass” theory. Why does the drug addict get a family and not her? Is what she did at fifteen really that much worse?

On her left, Reid was doing an admirable job of pretending not to glance at her worriedly. He’s never approached her about her distance, about the walls have gone up between them — the lack of joking about bad sci-fi television shows, the declined invitations to trivia night, and long discussions about Stephenson novels put on hold to focus solely on whatever case faced them.

One of these days she’ll have to forgive him. She’s just not sure how.


End file.
